Time to Grow Up

So maybe being 35 it might be time for me to start thinking about growing up.

I don’t mean getting stodgy or conservative or saying things like, “because we have always done it that way” but I mean giving up some of the tactics that I honed at a young age to survive the wilds of Junior High that might not be so appropriate anymore.  You see in Junior High I was picked on mercilessly by some of the guys (who my teachers assured me were only doing it because they were threatened by me- fat lot of consolation that was when I would go home crying every day). My survival strategy became to be as cool as possible. Luckily I had an older sister who through osmosis I could learn from and start to take on the ways of the cool rebel kids. I shaved the sides and back of my hair, wore dark lipstick and high top skater shoes.

It has served me well over the years. Although I took all honors and AP classes in high school, I escaped nerdom, played sports, and once I hit 9th grade never got picked on again. In college, I had fun, did what I wanted and took on my career fearlessly. I was not usually intimidated by a room full of senior engineers once I got to NASA because, hey, they were not nearly as cool as me. Heck I even created a whole space holiday around being cool.

I forgot that I had made it all up. I started to think that I was just born cool.

But recently I have begun to see the toll having to be cooler than everyone is taking. I noticed that I have had little time for those who weren’t as cool as me and that ends up being exclusionary and hurtful. Ironically probably as hurtful as those boys were to me. I realized that I am cutting out whole groups of people I could learn from and work with. So maybe its time to stop playing that game, maybe I don’t need to be “shields-up” all the time against an attack that was called off 20 years ago. Maybe it’s ok to just be normal, just one among equals, to listen and to make time for everyone- just like my dad does. I mean that would be practicing what I preach. Didn’t I say in my TEDxNASA talk that when we grow up and become a galactic civilization we will get back that connection with everyone and everything that we had when we were kids? Maybe I can do my part for the galaxy by doing my own growing up first and be the change I want to see in the Universe.

5 Responses to “Time to Grow Up”

  1. flynnofilm  on January 15th, 2010

    Well, now we know who left that bag of coke in the Shuttle bay! just kidding, sounds like there's a lot of folks in the space Industry that need to take this lead and do the same.

  2. @harbingeralpha  on January 16th, 2010

    I hope your subtlety isn't lost on those in the "cool" group. You've made a powerful statement. Inclusion is an amazing tool and sets precedence for being able to ask for help from your peers and even those you may not have initially acknowledged as part of your group. Here's the thing, knowing to "grow up" can be humbling, it shifts the focus from how cool you are to more tangible achievements and failures, some of which may be difficult to describe to those not in your group. Patience is essential. What you've described, to me, feels like growing wise. Being honest with ones limitations, acknowledging that you don't have to go at it alone, and asking for help when needed are mature realizations and key elements I hope the US President acknowledges regarding NASA during the next state of the union address. The path forward will not be easy but it can be forged in a focused manner as a group. I feel the public is willing to rise to the occasion given the opportunity and tools.

  3. Lise  on January 16th, 2010

    Well said. Funny how we all tried to protect out selves and "be cool" in different ways. I agree that, now, at 35 it is a good time to grow up.

  4. Space§man  on February 13th, 2010

    Brutally and wonderfully honest Loretta! :)

    I keep coming back to the same conclusions too – although mine was always ‘different’ rather than ‘cool’. Kind of grates after a while ;)

    Tolle is pretty good at picking up these stories that stop us actually getting on with being.

    Be well and say hi to George

    Alan §